My answer was rather simple as I know when I'm responding to a mind that has no bend to it and emotions that do not permit reason.
But, indeed, as in all things, there are hidden truths. And so, my loyal Society associates, whom I might add were also insulted in that extraordinary comment, I must offer my confession. I aspire to demonstrate that I am smarter than y'all, that I can (1) enumerate wisdom better than Edgar, and write international stuff better than "J", and talk family better than Cha, and prowl the internet better than Andrew, and be an artistic wild man better than Mariano, and laugh and remember things better than . . . um . . . better than . . . oh, yes, I recall . . . better than Johnny he he.
Indeed, my aspirations to superiority know no limits. I often put myself into the shoes of President Aquino to see where he is walking. Boy am I puffed up when I jam into those little wingtips. They are for sure tight about the toes, but, hey, Chinese women break their feet for beauty, so we superiors do what we must do. But, frankly, it's a little hard these days because there are so many other Filipinos already in those shoes pretending they know better than Mr. President how to handle tricky and deadly international incidents like Sabah. They have no information, and no solutions, but boy howdy, passion requires no intelligence to be loud.
So today, I am going to reach for new heights. I am going to step out of the President's shoes and into the lace-up boots, black in color, shiny of toe, of Abraham Joseph Rizal.
By the way, did you know that Abraham Lincoln and Joe America are EXACTLY the same size at 6' 3 1/2", and weighing 190 American pounds. Unbeknownst to the museum curator at the Henry Ford Theater Museum, down in the basement below where the President was shot, JoeAm slipped into Abe's dinner jacket. Perfect fit. I mean perfect.
Or maybe that was Mary Ford Theater. All those American oligarchs. I get confused.
But I digress.
So allow me to channel Abe today in my address:
(Deep, rich Abe-like voice) Hello my fine Filipino friends. It is good to be with you here at the Araneta Coliseum tonight.
Yo, sound guy! Would you kindly adjust the gain a bit? The feedback sounds like General Lee wheezing under duress of cannons to left and cannons to right.
Two score and seven years ago, I was brought forth upon this earth destined to free Filipino men and women from the bondage of the dynasties. And the oligarchs. The rich guys from China that make the Forbes billionaire list by stepping upon the backs of poor and innocent Filipinos who drudge mightily for a few pesos a day.
I'm here to show you the way, and to prove my mighty mental muscularity over you ordinary Filipinos who could not figure this out if you sat 60 to a room for 50 years in one of the DepEd's sweat shops for children. In the modern vernacular of the educational wizards at DepEd that is called a "classroom", but you and I both know what it is.
It is a place where children are shut down rather than opened up.
It is a place where kids learn to be discouraged and ignored, rather than inspired.
It's a place where young people are charged money to take exams, as if it were a privilege to be proved unsuccessful.
Here's my grand solution!
The Philippines needs a middle class.
Yes, that is what is required.
Look, there are 400 people with names and money at the top, 6,000 people with middle class income, and 94,993,600 people slogging for peanuts.
Now, contrary to what some might think, I am not a war monger nor am I a revolutionist. I am a pragtologist. That is rather like a proctologist, but I look into a different orifice.
I look at a hole in the top of the economy through which pass brains on the way to America and Australia and labor to Dubai and Egypt. Give us your inspired and ambitious masses exclaim the rich states, and we will give them what you refuse to provide: opportunity.
And that's precisely what I look around for daily.
I look for opportunity offered with common sense pragmatism by the Philippine government and Philippine businesses. It's my passion.
And I have discovered the shocking truth. In the Philippines, opportunity is a big fat zero for 97.2% of the population.
Now given this astounding fact, which is accurate within a 72.3% range for error, we superiors are inclined to ask, why does the nation refuse to provide opportunity?
Because it is into authority and obedience and does not have the strength of confidence to let Filipinos fly free to achieve.
Because DepEd teaches obedience rather than innovation and the bosses instill submission rather motivation. No one here knows how to make Filipino hearts soar with hope. With REAL hope, not some Sotto plastered political spin that yaps about hope but is just the same old proctologists delight.
Because the schools stifle and the employers stifle and the dynasties plug their family members into all the cool jobs that could be the DREAM, the hope, the motivation of the working stiffs.
If the Philippines only knew what CAREER meant. If the Philippines knew what fairness of employment opportunity, and what freedom really meant.
There are no careers in the Philippines. The dynastically gifted bounce from job to job, getting sucked along by Grandpappy's fame and Pappy's calling in of a few favor chips. Real CAREERS require effort and innovation and problem solving and productivity. The Philippine family favoreds just schlep along plugging up the channels of hope.
And so, my finely feathered Filipino friends, ya'll remain screwed until such time that the nation recognizes that AUTHORITY does not motivate, it constrains. And memorization is not intelligence, it is upchucking by the numbers. And freedom is the great release of human aspiration. It is not something that requires libel suits hung on it or courts that give no access to the poor.
Insecurity is a bitch, restraint a bastard.
Dump them and let's rock.
[Cue Bill and Ted on air guitars.]