The Filipina: Virgin, Mother, Whore?

The "virgin-mother-whore" triangle is traditionally seen as representing the impossible demands men place on women as objects of sexual desire. I'll angle away from this more clinical take on the matter to present my cross-cultural perspective on how women present themselves in the Philippines. If you'd like to read a thoughtful article about the confusion into which modern women wade, I'd recommend the following article:  Virgin, Mother, Whore: The Impossible Triangle of Modern Femininity

My perspectives originate from having lived in outlying areas of Mindanao, Zambales and Biliran. If Manila or its middle class subdivisions differ, I confess that my rampant generalities don't know about them.

In the main, it is my observation that Filipinas represent themselves as virgins and mothers. A few are seen as whores, by other Filipinas.

The Philippines is complicated to those of us from different traditions due to certain contradictions here. On one hand, social values are conservative. But sexual activity, and the surrounding entertainment lasciviousness, is ummmm . . . robust.

If you go to the mall, people dress well. Conservatively. Among women, you don't see too many short skirts or low necklines. The sloppiest dressers are the old white guys with Bermuda shorts, knobby knees, hairy legs, and shoes with brown socks. Filipino guys generally wear pants to the mall, not shorts. And you don't see many lovers in public. Not a lot of hand holding or walking arm in arm, and never sharing a kiss.

It is my guess that women in the Philippines are conservative to avoid being considered sexually active.  If a man and a woman are seen being sweet to each other, there is a quick leap in other people's imaginations from purity to sex. The way for a woman to avoid that characterization is to project "virgin".

This virgin representation has little to do with actual sexual activity. I don't know the statistics, but it seems that high school is a place of some considerable sexual experimentation, and the trial and error method produces a lot of young errors, kids who were not expected nor necessarily wanted.

In public, virgin. In private, not.

Why? The malls and public places may be conservative, but there is also a rude and flamboyant aspect to Philippine culture. You'll hear swear words in songs on daytime radio, see sex in nightly TV tele-dramas and laugh at, or with, flaming gays showing off on entertainment shows. You'll witness relentless teasing among friends, treading between virgin and whore, I suppose. Relationship jokes and sex jokes are popular as text fodder.

Local editions of Cosmopolitan and other magazines aimed at Filipinas are very graphic in describing sexual encounters, offering up advice on"10 ways to make your man horny" and over-the-top tales like grandma walking in on her granddaughter's blow job  (storytelling which I find highly offensive but repeat here so that you understand the depths of depravity into which certain entertainment venues have stunk; see May 2012, page 78), and other ways of promoting the stereotype of a sexually liberated woman.

In the outlying villages, sex outside of marriage is  common. The cover for this: a man/woman relationship often is described as "a marriage" even if it is not legitimized by a judge, mayor or church. Many poor people don't get officially married because they have neither proper documentation nor the required fees. So they just move in and declare the partner to be husband or wife. Nicely simple.

And if it doesn't work out, they move on to another partner. No one sues for divorce because no one has anything to sue FOR. No land, no house, no money. Only kids. And they are often viewed in a utilitarian light. As instruments to earn money. They get shipped every which way, whatever is convenient. No big deal.

"Illegitimate" is a box many check on government forms because they can't produce a parental marriage certificate. Illegitimate. As if they were people who somehow don't count. Never mind that they were kids and had no input into the decision.

Anyway, in outlying villages, women go from virgin to mother easily. There is no whore phase, because they end up pregnant at 15 and move in with their guy. Or, if not 15, they at least project virginity until they do marry or move in.

And boy do Filipinas do "mother" with a passion. Baby-making is done as if it came with the seasons of the year. Rainy season. Dry season. Next baby.

Or annual holidays. Easter, Christmas, and Next Baby.

So without question, Filipinas do "mother" well.

Now about those whores!

Most women behave conservatively in public. No whores there. Village women simply go from school virgin to mama.

Philippine men seem generally protective of their women. They adhere to conservative public values, and don't allow their wives to have guys as friends. Jealousy is a fundamental mood in the Philippines.  Girl children usually consider their fathers "strict". They had better not date without his approval, or act badly.

It is a mystery how so many teen-age girls have strict fathers but end up pregnant. I wonder if there is any connection to the fact that men in the Philippines seem frequently to have a woman on the side. Interestingly, the sidelines woman is a respected mistress and is not considered a whore. So it may be that the popular image is conservative and strict, but there is considerable looseness behind the scenes.

And don't ask me where the Catholic Church is in all this looseness. It is bizarre to me that in such a religious country, the scene borders on being sexually wild. I guess as long as we let the babies be born, we are not supposed to care what kind of social chaos they are born into, or how unhealthy and miserable the kids' lives might be.

The whores, Joe Am. Get to that part, would'ya?

Any Filipina with a white guy can figure that others are starting with the assumption she is a whore and, if it matters, it is up to her to prove that there is substance in her relationship other than buy and sell.

But, interestingly, the whore title  does not seem to attach easily to poor Filipinas who have babies with guys other than the one declared husband. My former housekeeper had seven kids by three or four different guys; only she knows. She was popular in the community. Respected. The village my wife comes from is a confusing association of fathers and mothers that would make the San Francisco hippie free love communes look staid. I suppose money must be in the picture, that old "buy/sell" arrangement, and perhaps a bit of envy, for one Filipina to declare another a "whore".

There is no "buy/sell" in poor communities.  Just flare-ups of affection - natural emotions - and the outcomes. More babies.

So the "whore" or softer "prostitute" or softest "bar girl" tag is hung on women married to foreigners or working in bars that cater to foreigners. Women who, in the eyes of others, sell their bodies for security. I'm not aware of the term "whore" ever being used to describe a Filipina who has only Filipino boyfriends. I don't know if there is a term for "promiscuous" in tagalog or visayan.

So those are my observations on the traditional three labels assigned to women in the Philippines. Lots of virgins and mothers and an occasional whore, in reputation. And lots of sex going on behind a public facade that is concurrently conservative and lascivious.

Are Filipinas liberated? I think not in the sense that many American women are, standing independent and challenging men for prominence in businesses and government. The Cosmopolitan idea of liberated seems to be sexually unrestrained like so many lemmings in heat running off the cliff together in resplendent hair and sexy clothes, throwing rubbers in the air instead of flowers. Perhaps in the big city, there are more opportunities for Filipinas to rise independently.

Catholic values for sure suppress careers and independence. If you are a mother, you are a mother, over and over again.

It is hard to plan a career if you can't plan a family.

As for the conflict in presentation - Biblical values or Cosmopolitan values - that seems to me to be a tad schizoid. But you'd have to ask a Filipina about that.