Top 12 Filipino Entertainers: The Criteria

Philippine's number 1 entertainer?

JoeAm is banned by law from having an opinion about election candidates. This is a recent discovery thrust by the Immigration Chief into Joe's brain along with a blunt deportation threat. 

So half of Joe's material is gone, poof. I mean, we all like down and dirty political mud slinging, piling on, lifting up, loud and boisterous electioneering. Now what's a guy to write about?

Foreigners must occupy themselves with sex tourism, I guess. I could write about that. Hmmmmm. Maybe not such a good idea. The Ambassador got his lip in a ringer over that. Hmmmm. Not smuggling or gun running. No we ought not do that. But eating and spending for sure, yes. We can do that. That is authorized, I'm sure. Spending, that is what we are to focus on I guess.

It's more fun in the Philippines as long as you like spending.

My problem is there is not much intellectual pursuit in that. I've delegated to my wife and she has developed exemplary skills.  Truly an artist. 

So, with political candidates being put "off limits" and not much else left to us foreigners, I need to shore up the blog content a little. Find a replacement line of inquiry, investigation and opinion mongering.

So I go to a topic which to most Filipinos is way MORE IMPORTANT than who the next senators will be. Way way more important. JoeAm herein announces that he takes up as a major theme in his blog:

• The entertainers who represent the soul, the verve, the elan, the pride of the Philippines.

Piolo doing his impression
of Johnny Lin

Now as we did in the political arena before we were declared offensive, we developed a set of criteria useful for comparing candidates. We called it the Rizal-Robredo Voter's Guide, and you can link over to see what outrageous malcontents we foreigners, along with a couple of rabble-rousing OFWs, can be in figuring out elections: Go to RR Voter's Guide web site. Truly, we are national security threats, trying to manipulate gullible Filipinos into applying a little discipline in evaluating candidates.

So we need similar criteria for those who work in the entertainment arena. Now we can't call this a "Rizal-Robredo" index, for sure. What might we call it?

We could say Poe-Estrada Index, as both were entertainers. But that leads us back into the banned political arena. I wonder if I can even say those names lest that be construed as trying to influence the election. Hmmm. Well, I've got one from both camp, so it seems neutral to me.

We can't call it the Jessica Sanchez Index because she is American except in the adoring hearts and minds of Filipinos.

So we need a name. That's issue number one.

Next we need to figure out some criteria for selecting the top entertainers. Now this is rather difficult because entertainers actually work in several areas of specialty. We have the movie and television actors. We have singers who work stages around the world. There are boxers who club each other's brains out so we can ooooooh and ahhhhhhh in animalistic delight. And politicians are also showboats if we observe the antics of Senator Santiago and Sotto, neither of whom are running for election right now and so are authorized subjects of discussion. Basketball players are entertainers, especially if they marry presidential sisters. Soccer players, too. There were some great magicians on the other night; a guy made big umbrellas from little ones. Truly amazing. Or clowns like BongV at Anti-Pinoy and benigno at Get Real Post. Our criteria should not rule clowns out, either.

Manny entertains us

Let me just propose some categories we can then refine with reader inputs. Here are some suggested criteria that can be used to select Top Filipino Entertainers:

• Physically appealing looks. Handsome or pretty; fit; sexy.

• Charisma and style.  Has that certain pizzazz that rocks our socks. Lights up a room when entering.

• Performing talent. This will vary according to specialty. Can beat a Mexican's brains in, or an American's, even better. Strong and pure of voice. Fleet of foot. Can cry real tears at the flip of a director's cue. Can magically turn any good deed into criticism. Those kinds of measures.

• Number of commercial sponsorships.  Shampoo, beer, cookies, pain medicine, shoes and cakes. Any product counts, and we'll need to count the minutes of airtime in, say, a week.

• Assets, whether in dollars or pesos or mansions or yachts. Rich = Success.

Brains are not an element that means much in the entertainment business. So we don't need to give credit for that. I mean, Senator Sotto was an entertainer. Point made.

But maybe we should consider only current performers.

Is Sotto acting at the present time or not? That's a rather interesting question, is it not?

Nor do we need to concern ourselves with values. If entertainers sleep around, have been married a few dozen times, are gay or straight, fail to attend church. These things don't matter. Indeed, a "bad boy" or "bad girl" image can actually raise an entertainer's popularity and stature.

RJ, my favorite guitarist after
Keith Richards

Or what we might be able to do is list the entertainers we like best, and then jig up the measures to fit that. To justify it. That's another approach we could take. Also that way, I wouldn't have to work so hard. You see, I don't follow entertainers at all. I follow political candidates.

Well, I used to. Now I flip mournfully past all the articles about the election, resigned to the notion that Filipinos will get what they deserve.

But enough of this maudlin self-pity. Back to rating entertainers.

I know of the following Filipino entertainers, currently in the business:

• Charice
• Manny Pacquiao
• Kris Aquino
• Kris Aquino's ex-husband, the father of Baby James
• Piolo Pasqual
• Christina Reyes
• Willie Wowowee Reviling
• Martin Nivera
• Guitarist and guitar peddler RJ
• Jessica Sanchez
• Justin Bieber
• The Weatherman Naturalist on Showtime
• The Crossover Guy/Lady on Showtime
• The Shampoo Lady from the Family of Actors
• The Mother of a Senatorial Candidate

I think you'll have to help me out here . . .I've done a dump of all my cranial gigabytes and only gotten those few crumbs.

Who should we consider on a list of "Top 12 Filipino Entertainers"? Let's say they have to be alive, or a reasonable proximity thereto.

And how would you rejig the criteria?

Oh, and the name. What should the name of our criteria and list be?